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Things have changed.....


Hey guys,

You may have noticed that I came off of the grid for a few days, long story short. I got into it with another user on this site, they reported me for gaslighting blah blah blah. Now, I'm back! and I've made a couple of changes, as a reflection of things happening in my life. So, I started going back to therapy recently (yes, all the best looking people have deep rooted trauma, didn't you know? lol).  So, I have new therapist now, she's pretty cool and after talking to her she has pointed something out to me. Now, I attend therapy for depression and a few other things though, after speaking to her. She has since stated that I may have a possible misdiagnosis, she thinks that based on my thought patterns, behavior etc. That I may have ADHD, which would honestly explain A LOT, from my impulsive decisions (like releasing 6 games at once), my endless amount of hobbies, which I honestly enjoy, yet have not fully committed to any of them. 

My inability to maintain focus, yet becoming so hyper focused on one thing, to the point where I neglect my basic needs, and other much more urgent tasks etc. Suddenly everything started to make sense, since then she has given me ways to cope with my everyday life. As if I were diagnosed with ADHD, to see if any positive changes can be made, without going through all those tests, referrals etc. (Which was one of the many reasons why I stopped attending therapy in the first place, it was tiring after awhile.) Anyways, one of the tasks she has given me is to minimize any excess in my life, things I have added on out of mere interest or impulsiveness. Including the amount of games I have released, which is why I will only be working on Alpha, Beta, Omega and Vice Virtue (Formally known as: 'Unlawful Acts: Corrupt Virtue')

Now make no mistake, it pains me to do this and honestly, I was just going to ignore this task of hers at first. But, I'm at that age and stage in my life where things have got to give, it's gotta get better, it has to. And, that involves doing some hard work on my part, by tackling the root of the problem.....which is me. So, I will be doing the monthly update for May, for both games mentioned above for this month, rather than the others that I originally had planned. I'm sorry if this disappoints anyone, and I understand any frustration you may have but, I've got to do what's best for me.

Thank you.

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Good you're doing better. I've known your stories just some weeks ago but, in any case, knowing that you're feeling more comfortable and that you're doing these changes for your own good (I don't know if it's right, my eng dictionary is still not so good ^^") kinda relieve me. Just do what you think it's good for yourself, we'll understand

Hi Kaelisia,

Thank you so much for your kind words, the changes have been hard. But, I'm doing much better now, and I'm so grateful for your support ❤Also, I've understood everything you've said perfectly, your English dictionary is doing just fine, so don't worry! :)

Heya I remember we chatted before about you and my brother being sagittarius, I forgot if I mentioned that he's ADHD as well that's why you're so similar in that regard like having so many hobbies, starting too many things at once or jumping to whatever interests you the most at any given time. 

You should do what's best for you or what your therapist suggests to you. We're just here to appreciate whatever content you put out. Taking care of yourself is the most important after all. Your true supporters would respect any decision you make.

By the way, you changed the page design for both of the games? I kinda liked the anime artwork.=)) 

You can also look at it this way having only those two games to work on would mean a ton of content for them. We can finally get to the more exciting parts of the story. Not to mention, I've yet to see the romance I've been waiting for LOL <3.  

Hi Flowingtree,

I remember you mentioning that your brother was also a Sagittarius. But, now you're telling me that he has ADHD! at this point, I'm starting to think he and I were separated at birth lol. Especially, when looking at the short description you've given of him, because that's literally me😭

Thank you so much as always for your kind words, and consideration for my situation. I really do appreciate it <3

Lol I liked the anime artwork too, unfortunately I was unknowingly violating some sort of license rule, with the use of the artwork that I had up. So, it had to go😢 I'm hoping to design some new art pieces as cover art, but not anytime soon.

You know you do have a point, I never actually thought of it like that. So, thanks for the fresh perspective on things, it really helps. And, LOL yes the romance! you're right, it's about time I give the people what they came here for😏

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It's okay. I also have ADHD and a **lot** of different interests. It's a constant fight against myself to actually get **something** done among the many, many things I've started/jotted down on a notepad at some point. But once you figure out how to get one, just One. Long. Project. Finished... Things start to get easier. It's like... You know when you actually learn a new language? Or it finally clicks what you have to do to ride a bike? There's something about what you are attempting that makes you understand something about yourself. You can apply that subsequently to your workflow in other personal goals, making new attempts flow better and better as times passes. 

So yeah, I agree with your therapist. For now, focus in one or two important things for you. Not only so you can actually finish them, but because focusing on few tasks will tune you to your feelings and thoughts through the process, which is helpful so you can obtain understanding of what makes *you* able to conclude your goals. I believe everyone has to go through a similar process at some point in our lives, whether we are aware of it happening or not. Having someone to teach/guide you helps our reasoning to connect the dots in our perception, which speeds up our brains' adaptation. If it is too used to doing multiple things normally... It will feel very frustrating at first. Like there's not enough stimuli at times? But it needs to learn to work in a slower pace, for your sake, and to not build up stress just because you are not multitasking/hyper-focused. You are just teaching it how, and that there's no need to fight you back just because the rhythm it is used to changed somehow.

The things that you might feel and do, and physical/mental mechanisms you will implement to push yourself to conclusion through the whole process... And even the things you might unknowingly be doing to sabotage yourself for some reason (yeah, that can happen). Knowing those things and understanding where they come from and how to make them work for you... That's a very precious, very personal understanding to achieve. The more you open yourself to notice your own thoughts and reasoning, the more knowledge you will obtain from this process to apply to your life in the future.

So yeah, my own perception of the process? You are unlocking a super power. A really useful one. Up to you how strong it can get. I wish you all the best. You'll get stronger for all this trouble, I assure you.

Hi,

Thank you so much for sharing your own experiences with ADHD. Everything that you've described above, really fits well with how I am as a person and how my brain functions (everything that you've said really hits close to home). I'm grateful to have your insight into what living with ADHD is really like, especially your words of wisdom on how to conquer it. Your advice is really helpful to my journey, so thank you so much for taking the time to speak out about this. I'm truly grateful for your support <3

This should not disappoint or frustrate anyone!!! You gotta do what's best for you and people have to respect that. I'm a fan of your work and will support you <3

Hi Zerosuga,

Thank so much for your kind words, I really do appreciate it :) I'm glad to have a supporter like you in my corner <3