Vice Virtue
‣ Last Updated: (02/11/2024)
You are the Bureau's best Detective, a worthwhile and profitable liability dubbed as the "Lone Prodigy" of one of Manhattan's most prestigious police department. Granted immunity and means beyond that of your standing, you have always worked alone and come out on top despite the unfavourable odds stacked against you. However, the sudden influx of unusual and horrific cases that have rocked Manhattan to it's very core prove to be a great challenge, even for you. As countless abnormal cases seem to whisper that sinister supernatural forces may be at work. And the urgent need for a team that is well-equipped to oppose them soon comes to pass...
- Play as a Criminal Investigator within one of Manhattan's most prestigious Police Bureau's and a well-renowned genius.
- Help to solve the brutal supernatural cases, which have ultimately created a huge rift within the city.
- Fully customizable protagonist, e.g. appearance, personality, sexuality etc.
- Pick from an array of game choices which will affect the course of the story every step of the way.
- Learn to work together with your new team....or rock the boat entirely.
- Build both romantic and platonic relationships, piss off old enemies, and make new one's...
- Delve deep into the supernatural world, and uncover sinister secrets untold...
Nicholas/Nicolette Hart [♀/♂] - Romanceable by all MC's
Personality : The leader of the elusive yet exclusive squad, "Team Laphael." Consisting of a collective of the most complex set of characters, each with their own quirks, special skills and natural abilities. Nicholas/Nicolette is fondly described as the vastly popular and well-mannered "heart-throb" within their company. Seemingly perfect in every way, yet constantly overshadowed by a dark, indiscernible cloud of despair...
Empathetic - Charming - Intuitive - Diligent
Tobias/Tahlia Maxwell [♀/♂] - Romanceable by the opposite gender only
Elias/Elize Struijk [♀/♂] - Romanceable by all MC's
Personality : The enigma of Team Laphael, Elias/Elize is a walking contradiction of themselves. Cruel yet kind, reserved yet sociable, they toe the line between two worlds with surprising ease. An eerily quiet, yet eye catching figure who commands any room they walk in. Elias/Elize has garnered widespread popularity wherever they go, well-known to leave a trail of broken hearts and well satiated, lustful bodies in their wake...
Aloof - Intense - Protective - Patient
Physical Description:
(Male ♂) : Elias stands at 6ft 7 with a strong build; cocooned in pale, almost translucent porcelain skin covered from head to toe in tattoos. Embellished with a small scar through his right-eyebrow, accompanied by bright golden eyes. Shrouded by thick, shoulder-length, dark blue hair with a pierced nose and triple pierced ear lobes.
(Female ♀) : Elize stands at 6ft 4 with a strong build; cocooned in pale, almost translucent porcelain skin covered from head to toe in tattoos. Embellished with a small scar through her right-eyebrow, accompanied by bright golden eyes. Shrouded by thick, shoulder-length, dark blue hair with a pierced nose and triple pierced ear lobes.
Kacey Daniëls [♀/♂] - Romanceable by all MC's
Perceptive - Energetic - Carefree - Loyal
Development log
- (02/11/24) Demo Update.6 days ago
- Getting There...18 days ago
- Lucky Update.41 days ago
- (18/09/2024) Demo Update.50 days ago
- (01/09/2024) Monthly Update.68 days ago
- New Content Alert!68 days ago
- (31/08/2024) Game Update.69 days ago
- Sneak Peek (10/07/2024)Jul 10, 2024
Comments
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Please continue this, your writing is so good!
Not many stories go into detail with the MC's height, frame, and overall appearance like yours does. Love it!
Thank you so much! 🥹
As an avid IF reader myself, I've always said that if I were to create my own game that I would want to include certain things that I would've liked to see more in other people's work. So, I'm happy to see that you like those subtle characteristics too 😊
And don't worry, I definitely plan to continue this story! 💪🏾😤
AAAAAA I NEED MOOOREEE
Well, it looks like your prayers have been answered...👀
Enjoy the early update ;)
YAY ^^
Super Happy that this game is back. Loved the update!
😊💗😊
It’s been about two years, yeah? You’ve progressed wonderfully! The story changes is really good and I enjoyed your new demo - Reminded me of NBC Hannibal (I watched it for the first time at the beginning of the year) so it’s good new food on the same stream for my brain.
Can’t wait to see more of the re-write! I’m still working on mine, takes a lot of work lol. Twine is especially difficult at times so I wish you the best in your progress - I don’t doubt it’ll be wonderful as always!
Thank you...
Honestly, you have no idea how much I needed to hear this 🥺 The support is MUCH appreciated. And I'm so happy that you've connected to my work, enjoyed it and most impkrtany noticed growth within the context of my words.
You're a 🌟
And I wish you all the best with your writing, it's not easy but, you've got this!
Thank you! Progressing with a fellow creator is always exciting, your work along with a few others made me want to take a stab at Twine again tbh.
Maybe once I’m done with my main games
Not me inspiring fellow writers 🥹💗🥺 BRB, I've got to go cry now 🚶🏾♀️😭
Aaaa nooooo don’t cry (actually do its good to let out your feelings, but not so much it gives you a headache)
😂💗
Ahh!! I need more of the storyyrryrjhwkjs I'm super duper loving this right nowww :"))
I'm so happy to hear that, it certainly makes all the work for re-writing the game worth it 💗
Damnit I need more. Great so far.
LOL thank you 😊 I'm actually working on the demo update now, so hopefully I should have that sent off to my beta testers in a week or so. And then publicly update it soon after, but I'll try to keep you all posted!
DAMN AUTHOR IDK WHAT YOU DID BUT MY GAME ISNT SPLIT ANYMORE THIS IS AMAZING GREAT WORK
LOL Thank you, thank you, it was a long time coming 😂🙂↕️
Is there a bug with the game? :O I can't move past page 2 for some reason when MC is in a session,.,
No, that's unfortunately the end of the demo; and I've now added something at the end to make that clear.
Ooohhhhh- okey! Thanks for sharing that, excited to see what's next >:3c !!
🩵😊
T maxwell's aesthetic page makes me want to romance them ♥️
Lol what did it for you? Was it the blood in a fancy chalice? 👀
Its definitely the quote. I love that so much
Same, when I saw it on Pinterest I said yep, that's Tobias/Tahlia alright 😂 I already plan to make it a quote that they drop in the actual game.
Hi! I think that I missed a lot of things these past months. Are Shuri and others (meaning another lone wolf detective and a colleague from the lab) no longer romance options? Also there was a hidden RO who was a killer, I think. I'm just curious what will happen to the others now that there are big changes.
Hi!
Gosh where to start 😅 yes Shuri/Shyam, Luther/Leena & Mason/Marley are unfortunately no longer RO's because it's just too much to handle. Though they will remain characters in the game.
The other secret RO's have also been scrapped for the time being. I might bring one back in as an RO as planned, or simply as a one night stand for the MC. However, as of right now I'm undecided and they won't come in the game for quite some time anyway, so I'll have time to think about it.
For now the only confirmed RO's are the members of Team 1, who are now all gender-selectable. Though that hasn't been changed in the game yet, as I'm currently re-writing everything. Hope this helps to ease some of the confusion 😅
Ah, got it! I'm a bit sad that Shuri and others were removed as ROs, but we still have plenty left. It would be groundbreaking though, if MC dated a killer unknowingly and both fell in love with each other. Such angst, such drama! Giving you some idea just in case 😉 Anyways, gender-selectable team 1 will be fire, especially Eli 😍😜 Good luck with the re-write! Can't wait to meet everybody all over again! Sending love and support from somewhere on our grand planet 💕
Lol your ideas are much appreciated, I actually didn't think of the MC falling in love with the villain unknowingly. So that's definitely an angle I could look at for the story 🤔 I know the changes are a little disappointing.
But this way I can really work in depth with each remaining RO and enrich their own personal stories and romance routes, so really it's a plus. And I'm happy that your excited about the gender-selectable changes, now Eli can spread even more "love" 😂👀
Anyway, thank you SO much for your love & support 🥹🩷 I'll be sure to work extra hard just for you ✨
Letting you know after choosing the sexuality for liking guys this happens
Thank you, I'll look into that.
is there an option to save?
There should be a save option in the ui bar (on the left-side) of the page.
I’ve played this before but lemme tell you: Each time I always take to Eli. Maybe because I have a size thing but that man…woof. Anyway, this game is awesome and Kacey is just so adorable I want to hug her
😂 Elias certainly seems to have that effect on people. Tall, strong, smart, good-looking, and heavily tatted with a high paying job. I mean what's not to love? 👀
And thank you so much 💕I'm glad that you're enjoying the game 😊 And, I know Kacey would love to hear what you thought about her. Don't worry though, you'll definitely get to hug her in the game. She's a big hugger actually, though her favourite person to hug is Eli. So you'll have to wrestle him for top spot 😂👀
WTF after playing the game I just subconsciously tapped the text in the description because it was red like the game choices...
I like the game so far, so great job nonetheless
Lol it be like that sometimes. And thank you, I'm glad you're enjoying the game 😊
Are you still writing this? I hope so because I really love it. :)
Hi!
Lol yes, I updated it fairly recently, so yeah I'm still working on it. And I'm so glad you're enjoying the game, as always I appreciate the support 😊
I just want a smol handsome ambivert to sit with me in the dark surfing through r/dark-humor while drinking hot chocolate cuddled by a fireplace. Is that really too much to ask?
I am in love with Elias. I need him in my tiny baby hands-
Me: *Not really expecting Elias to be that popular, because he's such a quiet character.* 😔
Me, now: *After reading how many people say how much they love him* 🥹
That boy has a special place in my heart 🥹💖
He is a big baby man, I want him so bad. But its also because you write characters so well, so of course people are going to like him :D
🥹💖
I'm so happy I came across this perfect masterpiece ❤️✨
This story is extremely fascinating and remarkable in every way!
We have ROs Povs (I was so happy for it), and man, do they all have such distinct personalities 😮💨
Elias is really something🤌, and I'm sure that there is no one who doesn't have a special place in their heart for him. Tobias is also pretty fascinating to me 🙂. The character descriptions are fantastic; they are so detailed.
I appreciate you making this masterpiece, and I look forward to seeing more <3
Thank you so much! your message really means a lot to me. I'm so glad that you're enjoying the game, your feedback and support are greatly appreciated 🥹
And I'm honestly surprised though glad that Elias is such a big hit. Like I know the man's 6'7 but he doesn't talk much, so I wasn't sure how people would receive him. So I'm happy that though he doesn't say much in the game, his personality is still shining through.
As opposed to Tobias who roasts everyone every chance he gets, I know he can be pretty intense at times. But I'm glad you're receiving him well too, he's honestly one of my faves to write. Boy's a straight savage and I love it 😂😭
Thank you again for taking the time to write this sweet message. You've honestly made my day, and motivated me that much more to power through, so thank you! ❤️😊
I'm really happy that my message inspired you in some way ❤️
You really ought to be aware of how extraordinary and gifted you are, both as a person and as a writer ✨. JDIENSXWJD you have been so friendly towards me. Thank you 💓
I'm SUPER interested in seeing Tobias' reaction when he eventually falls for the Mc (in the future ofc) because I know it will be interesting to see how our Savage boy reacts when he finds out that he has a weakness now🥹....
Have a good day/night ahead!
❤️❤️❤️❤️No, thank you❤️❤️❤️❤️
Yeah when Tobias starts falling for the Detective, I plan to make the realization as painful and hilarious as possible 😂😈 Spoiler Alert! The man's in complete and utter denial 🙃
Have a good day/night, you wonderful human being <3
Love the story so far! I can’t wait for more! I’d also appreciate maybe a dark mode? The white was a bit harsh on my eyes.
Elias 👁👁 Gay activated ALSO THE OPTION ABOUT HIS “partner” JANAHAHNAGSGSGSGGS HHH He’s exactly what I want in so many ways 🥹🫣😩👍
Hi!
Thank you so much, I'm so glad you're enjoying the game. And omg no problem! I'm actually updating the game on the 31st Jan, so I'll definitely be adding your feedback into my notes for the next update👍🏾
Oh so you like Elias huh? You have good taste my friend 😂👀 ( I have a soft spot for him myself 💕🥹). When I wrote the scene in about his partner, I had to cackle myself because the dude's a legit giant. And he really thought that we'd have to wonder what position he is. Like dude, whose topping King Kong, who? They'd sooner die trying 😭💀 And that's without the Detective's knowing how he is in bed, or how 'big' he is.....yet 👀🫠😈
Though I'm happy to announce that the game is currently going through a mini 're-write', so I'll be expanding on near enough every scene. Including that one, and boyyyy I can't wait for you to see the add one's into that scene 😂 let the jokes fly!
Sorry my brain blanked I was thinking about Elias-
Lmao but when he said along the lines “who says I’m a top” (Idr bc I have terrible comprehension) that kinda made me feel bc I’m very masculine so people assume 🥹💀
Only have thoughts on Elias
And how MC has some daddy issues 🫡
Why do I understand the issue though, we aren’t gunna talk about that
Agree on the need for Darkmode. Was a bit painful while playing. Still another good story look forward to seeing more.
Oh gosh, my bad I had no idea! 😭 Don't worry, I'll definitely be putting a dark mode in for the next update. But I'm happy that you're enjoying the game despite all of that, thank you 💕
You know the Team should investigate the town of Wayhaven from the Wayhaven chronicles. In it a Lone Detective as a Supernatural team (Vampires) who are practically family joking and teasing forced upon them by a secret government agency and specifically their estranged (Player choice) parent who is in charge of the team who forces the team on them because there is "something special"(magic blood that is supernatural steroids to supernatural creatures) about them. Fun series it's also a romance and a huge chunk of content is removed if you dont romance anyone.
Soo given that this is wayhaven minus the sweetness (The Wayhaven Detective doesnt beat up perps.) I'll give you the same advice I'd give the Wayhaven Author.
1. The more an author tries to push romance on me (Wayhaven literally has the author stop the story to tell you if you dont romance anyone you are speed running to the ending) it makes me not want to romance anyone. Other things that kill the sexy buzz for me. Having interactions and socializing forced on me like it's a playdate (The more you try to make me like the character the less i will), The romance options being the people who strongarmed their way into your life (in Wayhaven i'm most flirty with the weasel of a human journalist), If the stakes are too high (All my life or death doctor characters would punch your teeth out if you tried a Grey's Anatomy hookupwith them). Conversely I find the most attractive characters in these types of stories are the ones who the author hopes are coming across as off limits (The Jokeresque Supervillain Prodigal from heroes rise, the drug dealer from Psy High, The girl blaming you for her brother's death from the fog knows your name, the Bully who disappears for75 percent of the book after being expelled in the first chapter of Creme De La Creme, etc.) might tie into my rebellious nature or my "I dont want people throwing themselves at me." Nature.
2. In wayhaven even an asexual (in deed the author forces you to choose a sexuality in the beginning) detective is friends with the Team by book 2. I get you want some sort of camaraderie but you quintupled down on the loner aspect. So I expect while you can choose to warm up to the team that there will always be a begrudging if not antagonistic answer. A sorta "The team grows on you.... Like a cancerous tumor"
3. Personally I would have turned in my gun and badge by tossing them at Dad's head. I dont know why the animosity is there. Did he sexually assault my lesbian MC? Never was around? Killed a supernatural best friend? Cheat on mom? Miss her funeral? Doesn't matter. I'd have quit because I was PROMISED a Solo career the moment you break a promise to me you are dead to me. So I'd move cross country and become a waitress if dad kept me away from police work until I was begged to come back and given some sort of legally binding contract that gave me what I besides Solo work or including solo work after a set timetable of teamwork. How could that work for a writer who needs the protag to stay with the team? Simple. The Team becomes a permanent fixture in the department (so they can keep an eye on me for dear ol dad) and when I dont have an active solo case i'm sent to work with them because I'm not getting paid to play minesweeper. (Perhaps Dad himself is having 90 percent of Solo cases rerouted to him so he can solve them and leave me to Teamwork)
I'm an avid reader of The Wayhaven Chronicles so I know of it, though I can see some similarities. I wouldn't say the two are one in the same.
1. I can understand where you're coming from as a reader. Now that I'm creating my own game, I will say that as much as we as writers try to give you as many choices as possible. Keep in mind this is still a story, our story and if I've created my story with romance as a core component then that's what stays. I'll also admit that I care very little for stories solely based on platonic relationships, as much as you're disinterested in certain aspects, so am I.
From a writer's point of view I admire the fact that Mishka has even made a platonic route available, but as a reader I have played that route before and it does seem a little rushed. But like everything else in life, that's what happens when you don't take an interest in something, you simply don't care. Not the way that you do for the parts that truly drive you, and for her it's romance.
Though I will say that I do also find the 'forbidden' characters attractive, you have to keep in mind again that it's her story. If she has a specific vision, and doesn't see the story continuing with certain characters then it is what it is. I know it's a disappointment because I love Falk from book 2 and would certainly like the opportunity to romance him, but coding is a b*tch and if what I want doesn't match the writers vision, then tough luck for me.
That's why fan fiction is out there in the world, headcanon whatever you want. Hell why not give making your own game a try, I did. Because I also didn't like being spoon fed certain things, scenes in the game, having limited choices etc. To the point where I actually got up and decided to make my own. If what you want out there in the world isn't available, create it.
2. The MC is a 'loner' within the game for a specific reason, it's not a set character trait. Simply a long-term behavioural trait & coping mechanism that can change overtime. So you're free to think how you want about the team in the game. Love them, hate them, have them grow on you, stay set in your ways. Like some, dislike the others, it's up to you.
Just know that your behaviour towards them will affect how they treat you, especially if your behaviour is without reason. Your attitude & how you present yourself will also lock you out of certain scenes, e.g. If you're rude to Tobias, your poor relationship with him will lock you out of certain 'wholesome' scenes. E.g. him talking about his past etc.
However, if your MC is let's say stuck-up or lazy, even if you're nice to him, he simply won't like you back. So though he could possibly be cordial with you, he simply won't like you. Thus, any romance route with him will be locked, as he finds the personality traits above to be absolute deal-breakers. Now if your MC was let's say laid back, but still hard working then you may still be able to romance him.
The whole idea is to give you as many choices as I can possibly code, whilst also giving you a taste of the real world. And in the real world, some people simply won't be attracted to you, hell they might even hate you. As I also want my other characters, besides the MC to have their own personality and free will.
3. I plan to flesh out that scene more, and give players the option to turn Lars down. However, much like real life sometimes one is forced to conform. Eg. Paying taxes, attending school, working a job you hate to make ends meet. And although, the MC is top tier within their field, Lars is at the top of the food chain. So as good as the MC is, if Lars blacklists them within the police department or anywhere else for that matter, that's it.
No one within a 100 mile radius would accept the MC anywhere if Lars dictates as such, It will also later be explored within the game why he is so reputable, but just know that no one would be begging the MC to come back anywhere, their career is essentially over. Though honestly, Lars is actually doing you a favour by using this method, and the MC will soon later learn the reasons as to why.
Secondly, not 'simple' I think you seem to be under the impression that though this is a interactive game, that everything within it bends to your will, which it won't. Team 1 would never officially join your department, they're employed by Kaedent and though they're sent to essentially 'babysit' you.
They would never be crazy enough to join within your ranks completely, neither would they want to. Kaedent is leagues ahead of the MC's department, they're the most revered team within Kaedent and Lars simply wouldn't have them expendable to your department at all times.
And quite frankly your idea simply doesn't fit my vision, which is why I have no interest in it, as it overcomplicates things. And coding that idea in would simply be a nightmare, doesn't matter if other people enjoy my work if I the creator do not. Which is why I tell people this all the time, you never know how hard something is until you do it yourself.
I want you to also keep in mind that many writers do this as a hobby, it's not our job. We're not being paid enough or at all to do this, we're simply sharing what we like with you, in the hopes that you may like it too. We try to make everyone feel happy and included, but at the end of the day we're not obligated to do a thing.
I see you started a Patreon but only one person in it so far. Might have to join in a few days. Gotta get the word out so you can make this hobby a job heh.
Lol I would appreciate that, but unfortunately I've paused my patreon page until next year. I'll admit I was in such a rush to create some sort of income outside of my piss poor job, so that I could take the first step towards turning this into a career, that I completely underestimated how much of a b*tch life can be 🙃
Is it only me or can't anyone else access the status menu and when i choose the link that tells status change i can't go back.
Is it for all or it is not suitable for phones?
I double checked the setting, to make sure that it was mobile friendly. I also started the game up on my phone, and everything seems to be in order. I did change the orientation setting, so maybe play again and see if that works. I would re-upload the game itself to see if that changes anything.
However, unfortunately my laptop is once again not working 🙃 So let me know if anything changes, also it could be something to do with your phone model. Although, I have a Samsung 😭 and if it can work on a Samsung, it should be able to work on damn near anything 😂 Also, maybe try clearing out your cookies on your phone, see if that helps.
My phone is samsung galaxy J3
Spoilers ahead but I managed to keep it as vague as possible expect for the review part which is the second paragraph.
Not sure if this is just a problem on my end, but the first text to chapter one is a bright yellow & italic. 😭 I'm also not a fan of brightness so it was rather hard to read. However I had fit enough clues for the next part! But after the choice the whole text page begins to fade in and out? [this also goes for Kacey's introduction first choice] I tried restarting via exiting and reentering the website, so I think this may not just be my problem. I'm not an incredibly fast reader so it was kind of frustrating, plus I have a trigger to dark to light [and vice versa] flashing lights. And then after Nick's introduction there's not only the bright yellow italic font but it's paired up with the flashing. I'm not sure if I'm missing something, maybe it's intentional? Gosh, I'm so sorry for complaining about this. 😭😭😭 I just don't happen to be the fastest reader and I enjoy taking in small details, thought I'd bring it to the author because of how long it some of the text pages were.
I overall enjoyed the game though! Being or having a detective main character is one of my favorite things and someone / options having a sarcastic personality trait is a die-for. Not only that I'm absolutely in love with Kacey's energy. Her being neurodivergent and a POC such as myself is amazing, this also seems to also be my first time seeing mixed/biracial representation in a interactive fiction which I'm all in for and incredibly glad as a biracial myself! The team's responses to her are very relatable to a few of my own experiences between friends/peers. It brings out lots of personality in everyone and I can't wait for more. I'm looking forward to do all routes for the romance options :) !!
OMG! No you're absolutely right, those were coding errors on my part😭 They have since been fixed, thanks to you pointing them out to me. So, please don't apologize for complaining, you're actually helping me big time. And I greatly appreciate the fact that you tried to avoid spoilers 🙏🏾
Same! Sarcasm is my bread and butter, Tobias is like the male version of me. Though, I'd like to believe I'm a little nicer 😅 also, I'm so glad that you think so well of Kacey, she's an absolute sweetheart and would be over the moon to know that others think so highly of her.
And, I'm so glad you feel representated through this game. I'm a POC myself and neurodivergent, so it was always my intention to shine the spotlight on people like us. The underappreciated and unnoticed party, I mean the MC is entirely up to the player. But, the characters in the story are solely my own.
And, I intend to do much with this platform, in this particular game many social issues will also arise. Based on racism, prejudice, xenophobia, homophobia etc. In fact, there's a specific member of Team 1, who will have much insight into growing up in an area with little to no representation. Which will be heavy, but will shine a lot of light on their character.
But, I'm so glad that you've taken a liking to the game, despite my coding errors😭😅 and that the interactions between characters feel natural, and not robotic or rehearsed. So, thank you so much for your support, you're comment has really made my day! 💕💕
[Reading the game features and the info about the MC, Lars & Dennis]
It has something to do with MC's mom. Doesn't it?
@Akuwaku, you a cop?
I want you to know that you've caused me, to play my own game over again to see wtf I wrote😂 because I'm just gonna go ahead and tell you right now, that you my friend are 100% right. Lars and the MC have a terrible relationship with one another, that is centred around the MC's mother and Lars' wife.
Though, one would never think he had one, seeing as he hasn't worn his wedding ring in quite some time 👀 And good old Dennis, is the only one who knows the reason for all of the above. In fact.....he even knows more than the MC. A fact that will later come to bite him in the ass🍑💀
elias has my heart... <33333
OMG! Not to play favourites but, Elias has a special place in my heart💕 He's such an intricate character, and I can't wait for you guys to unravel the many layers to his personality. Especially, in regards to any MC's who choose to romance him 👀 Plus, him being 6'7 and heavily tatted doesn't exactly hurt either.
AHHH!! I'm even more excited for his route now 😭 I can't wait!!! 💓💕💝💖💘 THE 6'7 AND HEAVILY TATTED GOT ME NGL 😳👉👈💘💘💘
I'm so happy to hear that!😁 And lucky for you, Elias is a character you can become fairly intimate with, a lot sooner than the others 👀
LOL I know right! What can I say? If men like him aren't easy to find in real life. I'll just make them available to us in a game, at least I know Elias will do right by us😂
Hi,
Thank you! I'm glad you're liking the game so far. Also, thank you for pointing that out to me, it's a coding error that has since been fixed. However, the changes will only show up when I upload the next update on the 30th April.
LOL, another long post ;)
--
When the rustling ceases, I blow out a quiet breathe.
When the rustling ceases, I blow out a quiet breath.
Which contridicts the hot flare of pain, coursing through my ankle.
Which contradicts the hot flare of pain, coursing through my ankle.
moving as best I can with the fear still coursing through my vains.
moving as best I can with the fear still coursing through my veins.
Dumped on the side of 31 northbound highway
- Just a technical note here, in the US, the highway number system is generally: US (US route number), State (NY route number), Interstate (I route number). So in this case it would be: NY 31 – which does exist.
Extending it past it's normal range of motion,
Extending it past its normal range of motion,
Manhatten, New York City.
Manhattan, New York City.
- General note, Manhattan is misspelt in other places in the novel, just do a search and replace of “Manhatten” to “Manhattan”.
Equipt with a shiny silver plaque,
Well used and well equipped, with everything that I may need to do my job.
Equipt and Equipped are the same adverb, consistently use one or the other throughout the novel. I think I picked it as a spelling error in ABO, you can ignore me on that. ;)
Cream coloured walls, a file cabinent.
Cream coloured walls, a file cabinet.
in addition to a crystal glass cabinent to complete the look.
in addition to a crystal glass cabinet to complete the look.
Which is currently doing it's diligence of holding up my state of the art computer,
Which is currently doing its diligence of holding up my state of the art computer,
Comes a jovial voice, making it's way closer towards me.
Comes a jovial voice, making its way closer towards me.
Please Select This Character's Gender: Shuri. Shyam.
- Maybe make the gender selection clearer, eg.
Shuri (F). Shyam (M).
"Where did you go anyway?" "Newfield."
- Newfield, NY exists, and looks like highways NY 13, and NY 34 are nearby. Maybe change your earlier reference to NY 31 to 34?
Also a loner workaholic with violent tendecies.
Also a loner workaholic with violent tendencies.
I stand, making my way over to my filing cabinent,
I stand, making my way over to my filing cabinet,
2. "You're snarkiness isn't always for the purpose, of hurting the feelings of others. Somehow, you just always seem to have material ready, for the one's who you think deserve it, that's all."
2. "Your snarkiness isn't always for the purpose, of hurting the feelings of others. Somehow, you just always seem to have material ready, for the one's who you think deserve it, that's all."
Not brought up with you , under any curcumstances.
Not brought up with you , under any circumstances.
when I could be doing literally anythin else. Now
when I could be doing literally anything else. Now
The body of the unconcious man, then floats up into mid-air
The body of the unconscious man, then floats up into mid-air
taking a leasurily stroll through a meadow of flowers?
taking a leisurely stroll through a meadow of flowers?
Upon arriving, we found 4 unconcious teenagers, who are currently within the agency's hospital wing recieving treatment.
Upon arriving, we found 4 unconscious teenagers, who are currently within the agency's hospital wing receiving treatment.
He's definently gonna need to have one to one support
He's definitely gonna need to have one to one support
you have the calm and cool temperment to guide him
you have the calm and cool temperament to guide him
Kace then let's out a soft sigh of resignation.
Kace then lets out a soft sigh of resignation.
With the adolescents without any abilities, currently recieving medical care.
With the adolescents without any abilities, currently receiving medical care.
All that's left to do, is to assign mentorship and enrollment.
- US spelling: enrollment, vs UK spelling: enrolment.
How they feel is irrelevent, they're recklessness got
How they feel is irrelevant, their recklessness got
lowering their inhabitions and using their powers for their own selfish gain.
lowering their inhibitions and using their powers for their own selfish gain.
Pushing open the large, double glass doors of the priscinct
Pushing open the large, double glass doors of the precinct
even chiropodist chairs for overall comfort and so much more.
- Maybe replace chiropodist with podiatry?
Whilst the other swipes through her short, touseld, dark-brown
Whilst the other swipes through her short, tousled, dark-brown
In your character bio, under Reputation:
Which has governed you quite the name within the underground world.
- Maybe garnered is a better word?
--
E.
Thank you, as always Eimi! <3